im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
