someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
