she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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