he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
