What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize