i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
