he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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