I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can you bring me the toilet please
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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