Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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