I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
