I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
