Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
