worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
