Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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