Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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