the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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