can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
