You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
