Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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