I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize