He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
