you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
