did you get engaged???
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
