I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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