my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
