she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
