Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
