I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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