before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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