you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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