I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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