Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
