he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
