I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
