Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize