I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
