So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
