i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
