did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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