that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
