Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
