I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
