We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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