I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
