My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
