We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
