turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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