Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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