he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
