As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
