So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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