You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
