I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
