also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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