My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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