dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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