that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
