p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
