I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
