we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
