Please, let me fuck your mom
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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