Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
