the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
