the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
