his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
