I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
