When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
