Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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