I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
