There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
