oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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