peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
