I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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